Jokes Шутки

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 A psychiatrist examines a patient:

Психиатр спрашивает у пациента:

"How many legs does the dog have?"

"Сколько ног  у собаки?"

"Four", answer the patient.

"Четыре", отвечает пациент.

"And how many eyes does it have?"

А сколько глаз у собаки?

"Two". 

"Две"

"And what about its ears?"

"А как насчет ушей?"

"Excuse me, doctor, but haven't you  ever seen a dog before?" 

"Извините, доктор, разве Вы не нидели никогда собаки?"

 

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Be careful!

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just
heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be
careful!"

"Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

 

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If you want breakfast in the bed

 

If you want breakfast in the bed, sleep in the kitchen.

Если ты хочешь кофе в постель, спи на кухне.

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A wife's Christmas gift

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"

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